How to Deal with Envy and Jealousy

onlinecounsellingcollege:

1. Ask yourself the question “Why does this matter so much to me? For example, is it that I feel I’m not enough, or do I feel lonely and overlooked?”
2. Ask yourself “What is MY definition of success?” Then think of realistic goals you can set for yourself, instead of always thinking of what others have achieved.
3. Focus on the talents and the gifts that you have been given, and think of how to use these in a meaningful way. Don’t wish that you were someone you were never meant to be.
4. Ask yourself “What kind of person do I really want to be … and try to develop those traits and qualities. Who you are matters more than what you look like or achieve.
5. Make a list of all the things you can be grateful for today – the blessings that you have, and the gifts that you enjoy.

How to be There for a Friend

onlinecounsellingcollege:

1) Encourage them to talk; ask them what’s on their mind - If you think your friend’s depressed or has something on their mind then ask if you can help, or something’s bothering them. And unless you get the feeling that they don’t want to talk, be persistent and keep asking in a gentle, caring way. This communicates the message that you genuinely care.

2) Give your full attention and listen carefully – If they’re brave enough to share what is on their mind, then give them the respect of listening carefully – without interrupting or offering them advice. Pay attention, focus on them, and try to understand the way they see their problems, and how that makes them feel. The only time you should speak is to clarify a point, or to ask open questions that will help them share some more.

3) Unless specifically requested, don’t offer them advice - Once you’ve got the general gist of what is happening with your friend, resist the temptation to offer them advice. This is often very hard as we usually want to help … but most people resent it as they just want to be heard.

4) Remember it’s all about them; it’s not about you – Often people want to somehow turn the conversation round to talking about them, and their own experiences. This is so annoying; it’s the worst thing you could do.

5) Be sensitive, respectful and non judgmental – Don’t react or seem shocked when they tell you something bad (like saying “OMG – I can’t believe you did that!”). And be tactful if you feel you must share something tough - as you honestly believe it would help to hear the truth. You don’t have to destroy them in your efforts to get real.

6) Nothing changes if we don’t do anything – Although it’s often helpful to unburden yourself if you just dump on others then nothing much will change. Thus, it’s important to encourage them to take some active steps. Don’t only be a crutch or a short term dumping ground.

To Achieve your Best in Life …

onlinecounsellingcollege:

1. Keep on investing in your strengths (Don’t focus energy on your weaknesses.)
2. Establish good boundaries and learn to say “no”.
3. Work on building networks that could open doors for you.
4. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes .
5. Develop perseverance and tenacity.
6. Don’t lose sight of your vision, your dreams and your goals.
7. Be your own cheerleader and your own best friend.

What Makes a Good Friend?

onlinecounsellingcollege:

A good friend is:

1. Trustworthy and loyal

2. Honest and reliable

3. Kind and caring (treats you well)

4. Non-judgmental and accepting

5. Helpful and supportive

6. Sensitive and understanding

7. Interested in you, and what matters to you (That is, not selfish and self-centered)

8. A good listener

9. Someone who share most of your values and some of your main interests

10. Someone who has a good sense of humour and can laugh along with you.

When you feel fed up …

onlinecounsellingcollege:

1. Acknowledge how you feel – as it’s better to be real than to stuff your emotions and pretend that things are fine.

2. Encourage someone else … and see the difference it makes. It will not just help them, you will feel much better, too.

3. Get some exercise. Exercise releases the “feel good” hormones (endorphins) so you’ll feel less depressed, and you’ll have more energy.

4. Set some short term goals, and then work to reach those goals. There’s nothing like success for improving how we feel.

5. Focus on the things that you naturally do well – to remind yourself, again, of your talents and your strengths.

6. Talk to a friend. There nothing worse than feeling isolated and alone. But spending time with others can raise your self-esteem. Also, it puts things in perspective - so your problems start to shrink.

7. Reward yourself, or do something you enjoy. You deserve to be nurtured, affirmed and treated well. When you’re battling your feelings you need that extra lift.

8. Journal how you feel. It’s highly therapeutic to express what’s on your mind - and when it’s out in the open it starts to lose its hold.

How to Support a Friend who’s Depressed

onlinecounsellingcollege:

1) Encourage them to talk; ask them what’s on their mind - If you think your friend’s depressed or has something on their mind then ask if you can help, or something’s bothering them. And unless you get the feeling that they don’t want to talk, be persistent and keep asking in a gentle, caring way. This communicates the message that you genuinely care.

2) Give your full attention and listen carefully – If they’re brave enough to share what is on their mind, then give them the respect of listening carefully – without interrupting or offering them advice. Pay attention, focus on them, and try to understand the way they see their problems, and how that makes them feel. The only time you should speak is to clarify a point, or to ask open questions that will help them share some more.

3) Unless specifically requested, don’t offer them advice - Once you’ve got the general gist of what is happening with your friend, resist the temptation to offer them advice. This is often very hard as we usually want to help … but most people resent it as they just want to be heard.

4) Remember it’s all about them; it’s not about you – Often people want to somehow turn the conversation round to talking about them, and their own experiences. This is so annoying; it’s the worst thing you could do.

5) Be sensitive, respectful and non judgmental – Don’t react or seem shocked when they tell you something bad (like saying “OMG – I can’t believe you did that!”). And be tactful if you feel you must share something tough - as you honestly believe it would help to hear the truth. You don’t have to destroy them in your efforts to get real.

6) Nothing changes if we don’t do anything – Although it’s often helpful to unburden yourself if you just dump on others then nothing much will change. Thus, it’s important to encourage them to take some active steps. Don’t only be a crutch or a short term dumping ground.

"It’s so difficult to describe depression to someone who’s never been there, because it’s not sadness. I know sadness. Sadness is to cry and to feel. But it’s that cold absence of feeling— that really hollowed-out feeling."
J.K. Rowling (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

To Achieve your Best in Life …

onlinecounsellingcollege:

1. Keep on investing in your strengths (Don’t focus energy on your weaknesses.)
2. Establish good boundaries and learn to say “no”.
3. Work on building networks that could open doors for you.
4. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes .
5. Develop perseverance and tenacity.
6. Don’t lose sight of your vision, your dreams and your goals.
7. Be your own cheerleader and your own best friend.

Some Wisdom for the Journey …

onlinecounsellingcollege:

1. Accept that challenges will always come your way. No one’s journey is going to be “plain sailing”.
2. Don’t only think about your destiny. Commit to trying something and create your own success.
3. Choose to take control of the helm of your life. Don’t let other people divert you from your path.
4. Expect to trip and fall, or to make some big mistakes. But don’t view it as failure – it’s the way we learn and grow.
5. Be adaptable, and flexible and willing to grow. You won’t go very far if you choose to never change.
6. Be generous to others; there’s enough to go around … But not just with your money – with your kindness and your time.
7. Remember that in life we usually reap what we have sown. Hence, think about the future as you live your life right now.

How to Cope with Test Anxiety

onlinecounsellingcollege:

Although it’s normal to feel some anxiety when you’re preparing for, or taking, a test - too much can hamper you from doing well. Below are some tips to help you to cope with this:

1. Learn and apply proven studying techniques so you feel you really know the test material. This should help to improve your confidence and reduce excessive anxiety.

2. Work on staying positive while you’re studying. Think about doing really well, not always struggling, or even failing.

3. Make sure you get plenty of sleep the night before a test.

4. Don’t forget to eat right before a test either. You need protein to have enough energy to concentrate fully for the length of the test. Avoid junk food as that tends to lead to a high and then a low.

5. Try to calm and relax yourself as you enter the test room. Take a few slow, deep breaths. In your head repeat positive self-statements like “I am well prepared. I’m going to do a good job on this test.”

6. Don’t start to panic if the questions seem too hard. Just skip over the ones you can’t do, and keep reading until you find something you CAN do.

7. Ignore the fact that other students seem to be finishing before you. Take all the time you need and focus on doing your best.

8. Once the test is over, try and forget about it. There’s nothing you can do until your mark is returned to you … and maybe you’ve aced it, or done really well!